Romans 12:9-21

For many of us relationships can be similar to driving a car. We know how to start a car, and we know how to begin a relationship, we know how to drive a car, and we know how to continue a relationship, but when the car breaks down, when the relationships breaks… we don’t know exactly how to proceed and we feel stuck and kind’ve helpless.

Repairing broken relationships is a learned skill.

Family Estrangement- a recent poll in the USA showed that 40% of US adults no longer have a relationship with one or more immediate family members.

Why do you think this number is rising?

Here’s what we do when there’s conflict in relationships that’s not helpful and sometimes leads to estrangement. But’s it’s what we reach for when we’re trying to fix things. 

Convince

Control

Here’s a controlling statement that we just to try and fix the relationship when it’s broken… we say I’m sorry if I offended you.

Here’s another one people use when they’re trying to fix a relationship…  I said I’m sorry, why are you still upset? 

we are only as happy as our core relationships are healthy. 

I’m not talking about an unhealthy co-dependency I”m talking about the reality that broken relationships take a toll on us.. But God’s word offers us a better way, a path toward peace. 

Phil 2:5 NIV In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.

If we look at the life of Jesus here’s what we see, He was rejected, He was despised, He was betrayed, and yet He made the move toward us to have the path clear, the welcome mat out, and the door open for reconciliation. 

Reconciliation or repairing broken relationships always begins with us, regardless of who started it or how we got here. 

What if we decided I’m not going to try and get back.. I’m going to do what Jesus has done for me, I’m going to move in their direction and make sure the path is clear, the welcome mat is out, and the door is open. 

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil. Cling to what is good.

There are things God hates. But you may need to reallocate your hate. Hate something instead of someone. What if we made the decision I’m going to hate what happened but I’m not going to hate the person. I’m going to hate what’s happened to our family, I’m going to hate the consequences, but I’m not going to hate the person. I’m going to hate the what that is evil but I’m not going to hate a who…this is what it looks like to remove obstacles to clear the path toward reconciliation.

10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 

Honor takes the loopholes out of relationships. Because it’s a high bar.

14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them.

Don’t talk about them the way they talk about you.

This doesn’t seem wise or helpful. It seems impossible. So why would we attempt to do this?

Because you’re a Jesus follower and this is what Jesus has done for you. 

15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn

This is what it looks like to live in faith community. When you share joy it’s multiplied. When you share pain it’s divided. 

If you feel yourself happy when someone is upset and distraught, maybe God has work to do in our heart.

That tension we feel.. Is where God wants to go to work in our heart… He’s just waiting for us to invite Him in. 

17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone 

We don’t get back at… we go back toward.

18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone

Help me to see _____ the way you see them

Help me to feel toward _____ what you feel

And at that moment nothing changes in the relationship but something extraordinary changes in you. 

I think of the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis. 7 different times it says that Joseph wept. These were not emotional outburts of anger. They were tears of strong emotion that brought fulfilled longing, forgiveness, and joy.

As long as my arms are crossed and I said I forgave them and I’m waiting.. it’s a sublte form of getting back at not going back toward.

Maybe there’s no full reconciliation, yes healthy bounrdaried are good.

But God and His word are working in us until He brings peace to the tension.

Pray

Help me to see _____ the way you see them

Help me to feel toward _____ what you feel

The prodigal son